Why Your Brain Sometimes Lies to You: Understanding Cognitive Bias
COGNITIVE BIAS
So... Cognitive Bias Let’s talk about something that we all do, but might not even realize has a name: cognitive bias.
What is it?
Textbook definition first (because, why not?): According to the Cambridge English Dictionary, cognitive bias is “the way a particular person understands events, facts, and other people, which is based on their own particular set of beliefs and experiences and may not be reasonable or accurate.” In simpler terms? It’s when our brains tell us stories that feel true but aren’t always the WHOOOOLE truth. These stories are shaped by everything we've been through our upbringing, trauma, beliefs, fears, and even what we saw someone post on Instagram this morning.
Why do they happen?
Now, before we start dragging our brains for being “irrational,” here’s the thing: cognitive biases actually come from a good place…. Most times They’re adaptive. Protective. They're the brain’s way of trying to make sense of the world and keep us safe, especially when things feel uncertain or overwhelming. Think of it like this: if you’ve touched a hot stove before, your brain is going to remember that pain and warn you, maybe even over-warn you, the next time you’re near a kitchen. That’s not you being “dramatic.” That’s your brain trying to keep you from harm again. Now imagine that logic playing out in relationships, decision-making, or even how you see yourself. That’s cognitive bias doing its thing.
So… is it a good thing or not? Both. It depends. Cognitive bias becomes a problem when it starts to distort your reality, when you’re not seeing things as they are, but as your past (especially your painful past) trained you to expect them. It’s not your fault. But it is something worth being aware of.
Some common cognitive biases and how they show up
You’ve probably even experienced at least one of these this week:.
Authority Bias
Ever been unsure about something, then see someone you respect or look up to say or do it, and suddenly, it doesn’t seem so bad? Yeah. That’s your brain taking a shortcut and saying, “Well, if they think it’s fine, it must be fine.”
Personalization
You get stuck in traffic and immediately think, “Of course this would happen to me.” Or something bad happens in a group and your first thought is, “Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been there.” That’s your brain making you the main character… in a not-so-fun way.
Hindsight Bias AKA “Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda”
The past plays on a loop: “I should’ve known better.” “If only I had done this differently...” You’re beating yourself up for things you couldn’t have known then, with the knowledge you only have now. • All-or-Nothing Thinking It’s either all good or all bad. No in-between. “Good things NEVER happen to me.” “I ALWAYS get the short end of the stick.” One bad moment ruins the whole day, week, or even year.
Anchoring Bias
You've been in really toxic relationships; like, drama, gas-lighting, maybe even emotional harm. That becomes your “anchor” or reference point for what “bad” looks like. So when someone new comes along who still has red flags, but doesn’t yell or ghost you for days, your brain goes: “This is so much better!” even though it's still not healthy or right for you. Why? Because your brain is comparing it to the original mess, not an actually safe and respectful relationship.
Default Bias
You stick with what you know, not because it’s great, but because change sounds like too much. You’re low-key unhappy at that job, but you’re like “at least I know the system.” The brain loves familiar. Even when familiar isn’t working.
Fundamental Attribution Error
Someone snaps at you? “They’re rude.” You snap at someone? “I’m just tired and under a lot of pressure right now.” We judge people by their behavior, but judge ourselves by our intentions.
Negativity Bias
You got 7 compliments today, but that one shady comment? That’s the one you remember when you’re brushing your teeth at night. Our brains tend to cling to negative things. …and so on.
There are tons more, but you get the point. These thoughts can feel incredibly real, and sometimes, they even seem logical. But they’re not always accurate. They’re just familiar.
What do I do when I notice it’s disrupting my day-to-day?
First: Pause and name it. Catch the bias. Give it a name. “Oh, I’m doing the all-or-nothing thing again.” “Oh wow, that’s personalization showing up.”
Second: Ask questions like a curious friend, not a judge.
Is there another way to look at this?
What would I tell a friend if they were thinking this way?
What do I actually know to be true right now?
Third: Be kind to yourself. You’re not broken or dramatic, you are human. And your brain is just doing its best to keep you safe. It just needs a little help unlearning some old scripts..
Conclusion
Cognitive bias isn’t something we "fix" overnight. But the more we notice it, name it, and gently challenge it, the more space we create for healthier thoughts, and for a more balanced, grounded view of ourselves and the world around us.
What biases do you see show up for you?