What Is Inner Child Work? A Gentle Guide to Reconnecting with Your Younger Self
INNER CHILD WORK: HEALING THE WOUNDS, FINDING THE WONDER
We're only gettin' older, baby
And I've been thinkin' about it lately
Does it ever drive you crazy
Just how fast the night changes?
One Direction
“Don’t grow up, it’s a trap.”
You’ve probably seen that phrase on a t-shirt, or Instagram post. It’s usually said as a sort of “quip”, a playful response to the endless bills, responsibilities, and stress that come with adulthood. But hidden inside that little quip is also some truth, which is that, sometimes, it feels like adulthood often asks us to trade wonder for worry, and playfulness for productivity. Somewhere along the way, we lose the sparkle of curiosity we had as children.
Inner child work is the practice of reconnecting with that younger self, both to heal old hurts and to rediscover joy.
WHERE IT ALL BEGAN …
The concept of the inner child has been around for quite a while now. It has evolved through different lenses:
Freud (early 1900s) didn’t use the term inner child, but he placed a lot of emphasis on how early childhood experiences shape our adult personality and struggles. His theory of psychosexual stages (like oral, anal, phallic) suggests that unresolved issues in these early stages could create lasting patterns in life.
Carl Jung introduced the “divine child” archetype, a symbol of creativity, curiosity, and hope.
Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis (1950s) described the Parent–Adult–Child states. That Child part can be joyful and spontaneous, or it can carry old pain.
Humanistic psychologists like John Bradshaw popularized the wounded inner child in the 1980s–90s, showing how shame and unmet needs from childhood often echo in adulthood.
Modern trauma and attachment theories highlight that early wounds can heal not only through therapy but also through safe, supportive relationships and community.
The Wounded Child
Some scars cut deep and everyone can see them, but others stay hidden, harder to notice.. It might be from something quieter, like; a childhood that felt hurried, compressed, or barely there at all.
For some, it was carrying responsibilities that were waaaaay beyond your years.
For others, it was loss, illness, financial issues, unstable homes etc. and there wasn’t much room for curiosity or wonder.
For many, it was being the eldest or “little parent”, holding up your younger ones, or even family, while still being a child.
And other times, it might just be going under the radar, not being seen or acknowledged.
These early roles follow us into adulthood. They show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, or the nagging belief that joy and rest must be earned. This is what John Bradshaw called the wounded inner child, the tender part of us still carrying unmet needs for safety, freedom, and belonging.
The Wonder-Lost Child
… But the story doesn’t end there though. Not everyone grew up in chaos. Some of us still remember what it was like to be curious, to imagine, to play, to be full of awe. It’s like that feeling you get when a 2000s song comes on and suddenly, you’re transported back in time, or when you rewatch an old cartoon and it hits you harder than it should. For a lot of us, it’s not really about the show. Remember when Cartoon Network shut down? That ache wasn’t just about losing a channel, it felt like a piece of childhood closing too.
But here’s the thing: those parts of us don’t actually die. They just get buried, responsibilities, expectations, disappointments, and the weight of adulthood.
Healing, then, isn’t only about tending to the wounded child. It’s also about making room for the wonder-full child. It's also about making space to rediscover the wonder-full child: the part of us that still knows how to laugh, create, and rest simply because it’s good to be alive.
Must You Always Explore the Past?
Not always. Inner child work is one path, but there are others:
Past-focused healing helps you untangle old stories and patterns.
Present-focused growth (like Mindfulness, CBT) gives you tools to respond differently today.
Often the heart of healing is both: understanding where we come from, and learning how to choose a different way now.
Healing Wounds, Finding Wonder
Healing Wounds
Write a letter to your younger self, offering the comfort you wish you’d received.
Practice saying kind, nurturing words to yourself in difficult moments.
Notice your triggers — when your reaction feels bigger than the situation, it may be your inner child asking for care.
Finding Wonder
Revisit an activity you loved as a child: drawing, skipping rope, singing, exploring.
Allow yourself to play — not for productivity, but for joy.
Create small rituals of delight: watch the clouds, dance in your living room, or celebrate a little win with childlike glee.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, healing isn’t about choosing between the wounded child and the wonder-full child. Both live in us. Both deserve a voice. The wounded parts remind us of the care and safety we still need, while the wonder-filled parts point us toward joy, creativity, and rest. Wholeness comes when we can hold space for both. When we can grieve what was lost, but also allow ourselves to rediscover what still makes life beautiful.
Maybe healing looks like giving yourself permission to rest without earning it. Maybe it looks like laughing too loud, or crying when you need to, or playing again just because. Whatever it looks like for you, it’s enough. Because the point isn’t to go back and “fix” childhood, it’s to honor the child within you now, with tenderness, care, and wonder.
“Everything that you've ever dreamed of
Disappearing when you wake up
But there's nothing to be afraid of
Even when the night changes…”
One Direction
References:
Verywell Mind – “Inner Child Work: How Your Past Shapes Your Present”
PositivePsychology.com – “Inner Child Work: 15+ Practical Tools”
Verywell Mind – “Signs You’re a Parentified Daughter”
Night Changes - One Direction