“See Your Mates”: Breaking Free from the Comparison Trap
"See your mate."
Does that sound familiar?
Maybe you've heard, "Does your friend have two heads?"
If you're Nigerian, chances are you've heard both phrases and they likely sparked feelings of self-doubt, insecurity, or even shame.
At some point, someone most likely a parental figure may have pointed out that your peers seem to be ahead of you, whether academically, career-wise, financially, or even in relationships. No matter the context, hearing those words stings. More often than not, they push us into a cycle of comparison.
Why didn’t I get a high-paying job like Temi?
Why am I not married yet like the ladies in my Bible study?
Look at what Obi has accomplished after graduation, while I feel like I'm still in the same spot.
Why Do We Compare Ourselves to Others?
As social beings, it’s almost second nature to look at what others are doing and use it to measure our own progress. Sometimes, comparison can be healthy it can inspire us to set higher goals. However, it becomes harmful when it fuels negative self-talk, makes us feel inadequate, or causes us to question our worth.
Comparison is a slippery slope one simple thought can spiral into anxiety, self-doubt, and even depression. Instead of motivating us, it often leads to self-pity and stagnation.
"Comparison Is the Thief of Joy"
When we constantly measure ourselves against others, we overlook our own achievements, forget to appreciate our own privileges, and lose sight of our own journey and unique strengths.
Not only does this skew our perception of reality, but studies also show that frequent social comparison increases the risk of mental health struggles, including depression and anxiety.
In a society like Nigeria where hustle culture is glorified avoiding comparison can feel impossible. Our society simply doesn’t allow it. Social media only amplifies the pressure, as does the weight of family and societal expectations. It’s easy to get caught up in negative thoughts about where we are in life, but we must actively push against them.
How to Break Free from Constant Comparison
Recognize That Everyone Has Their Own Path- Life isn’t a race. What is meant for you will come at the right time. Just because someone else is thriving now doesn’t mean you won’t thrive in your own way.
Celebrate Small Wins- Instead of focusing on what you haven’t achieved yet, it’s important to take note of the progress you have made. Keep a journal or list of small wins whether it’s completing a project, learning a new skill, or even just showing up for yourself. Every step forward counts.
Practice Gratitude - Focus on your personal journey by keeping a gratitude journal. Acknowledging your growth, no matter how small, helps shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance.
Breaking free from the comparison trap isn’t easy. It’s almost hardwired into us taught by culture and deepened by our own insecurities. But while comparison may feel automatic, it doesn’t have to control us.
The more we focus on our individual paths, celebrate our own progress, and shift our mindset towards gratitude, the less power comparison will have over us. It’s an active process, but it’s worth it, for our mental health, our peace of mind, and ultimately, our happiness.
References:
“The Effects of Social Comparison and depressive mood in adolescent decision making” (Wang, 2021)
Meta Analysis- The association of social comparison with depression and anxiety (Morina and McCartney 2020)
“Comparing yourself to others” (Headington Institute 2016)