Growing Up Too Fast: The Impact of Parentification
Have you ever felt overly responsible for the emotions of others? Do you feel anxious and guilty when you’re relaxing or unproductive? Do you often dismiss your needs to put the needs of others first?
If any of these questions resonate with you, you may have experienced what is called parentification.
As Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz explains; “In a family, each person plays a role; when there is parentification, the roles of parent and child are switched, with the child taking on the role of the parent well before they are emotionally able to do so.”
Annie Wright highlights that a parentified child often learns that love equals responsibility, which can later show up in adulthood as over-functioning, chronic guilt and a nervous system that struggles to rest.
What is Parentification?
Simply put, parentification is a role reversal or what people might describe as “growing up too fast”.
This happens when a child takes on the role and responsibilities of an adult that is not developmentally appropriate for their age. In the process, the child’s emotional, social, and/or developmental needs are often neglected.
Parentification in our Nigerian Context
Within many Nigerian families and communities, parentification is often normalized and unnoticed. We might have observed this or perhaps even experienced it ourselves.
We might know phrases like;
“You’re the third parent.”
“You are your siblings mother oh.”
“You have to be strong for your parents.”
While the firstborn child is often likely to experience parentification in Nigerian homes, it is not unique to them and can happen to any child in the family.
Someone might ask, “ah ah, but is it not good to train children and give them responsibilities?”
Yes, definitely.
Responsibility itself is not harmful but can become parentification when the expectations placed on a child or the role a child is made to take on exceeds what they are equipped to carry at their age. Children should not be responsible for burdens that belong to the adults in the family.
Types of Parentification
There are two categories of parentification and a child can experience one or both.
Instrumental Parentification
This is when a child is made responsible for physical tasks that are not age-appropriate. Some examples are;
Preparing meals regularly
Childcare responsibilities
Managing household responsibilities meant for adults
Taking on the role of the primary caregiver.
Emotional Parentification
This happens when a child becomes emotionally responsible for the parent or caregiver. Overtime, the child may learn to suppress, dismiss, or downplay their own emotions so they don’t add to the burden of their parents or take attention away from the parent. In such a case, the child might become;
Their parent’s confidant or ‘therapist’
The person responsible for maintaining the peace at home
The primary emotional support system
The mediator
The “dumping ground” for the parent’s unresolved emotional distress or trauma.
What Can Lead To Parentification?
There are many circumstances and factors that can contribute to parentification such as;
Parental illness, disability or mental health challenges
Divorce or separation
Financial hardship
Domestic violence or abuse
Frequent family conflict
Cultural or family expectations
Substance use or addiction
Parental emotional immaturity
Unresolved trauma in parents
Undisrupted intergenerational family patterns
Neglect.
Can There Be Positive Effects?
Yes, but at a dire cost.
Oftentimes parentified children grow to be adults that are highly empathetic, responsible, dependable, capable leaders, resilient, hardworking, and independent.
However, to reinforce the answer provided, while these and other positive outcomes exist, they come at a great cost.
It is absolutely possible to develop these positive effects in healthier ways that don’t result in a child needing to sacrifice their childhood or take on responsibilities they should not have to bear.
Long-term Effects of Parentification
Because parentification often happens in childhood which it’s a formative period where we learn through experiences, the behaviours and beliefs developed often persist into adulthood. Some effects include;
People- pleasing behaviors
Burnout
Hyper-vigilance
Insecure attachment style
Difficulty receiving care
Fear of vulnerability
Over-functioning
Identity issues
Anxiety disguised as productivity
Difficulty noticing and processing emotions
Challenges in relationships
Guilt or shame when prioritizing self
Difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries
Self-neglect
Feeling overly responsible for managing the emotions of others.
For the Parentified Child
It is absolutely possible to heal and recover from a parentified childhood.
It begins with recognizing and naming your experience and then gradually learning how to re-parent yourself in a way that meets your needs.
Healing may mean giving yourself the permission to grieve the childhood you didn’t get to experience. It also involves learning that you are no longer responsible for carrying the emotional burdens of everyone.
In the process of recovery you learn that it is okay to receive support, ask for help, prioritize your needs, and also recognize that you have permission to be ‘not okay’.
Healing is the continuous practice of meeting yourself with compassion, care, and safety.
Seeking therapy, you can start the journey to healing with us. Fill Out Our Onboarding Form
A Note to Parents
For the parents reading this, if you recognized signs of parentification within your own family, I would encourage you not to respond with or focus on self-blame and guilt.
Instead, take this awareness you now have as an opportunity to make changes. Have honest conversations with your partner and your child. Reflect on whether the responsibilities your child is carrying are age-appropriate and seek professional support if needed.
Children deserve the opportunity to be children and growing up should happen one stage at a time, not all at once.
References
Wright, A. (2026, July 31). The parentified child: When you grew up too fast. Annie Wright, LMFT.
Guy-Evans, O. (2025, July 21). Parentification effects: How growing up too fast impacts adulthood. Simply Psychology.
What is parentification?. Cleveland Clinic. (2024, October 14).
Newport Editorial Team. (2022, December 20). What is parentification? Signs of a parentified child. Newport Academy.